We used to be so much fun.
Like — genuinely, embarrassingly, can't-stop-laughing fun. And somewhere between the school pickups and the work deadlines and the "did you call the insurance company" conversations, we just… stopped.
Not on purpose. Nobody decides to stop having fun. Life just gets loud, and fun quietly slips out the back door while we're not looking.
Here's what I know as someone studying marriage and family therapy: this is one of the first things that goes when couples get busy. Not the love. Not the commitment. The lightness. The playfulness. The ability to look at each other and completely lose it over something that isn't even that funny.
And it matters more than most of us realize.
What Happens in Your Brain When You Laugh Together
When you laugh with someone — really laugh, the kind that makes your eyes water and your stomach hurt — your brain releases a powerful cocktail of feel-good chemicals:
- Dopamine lights up your brain's reward center
- Endorphins create a natural high
- Oxytocin — the "love hormone" — deepens your bond
That last one is the big one. Shared laughter triggers oxytocin release and increases bonding, while also reducing cortisol (your stress hormone), making it easier for those love chemicals to do their work.
Social laughter triggers endogenous opioid release, which provides a powerful way of modulating social bonds.
Laughing together is literally, neurologically bonding you. It helps you truly see each other and connect.
Fun isn't frivolous. It isn't a reward you earn after all the hard stuff is handled.
Fun is part of the work.
Your Assignment: Do Something Fun Together
That's it. The whole assignment.
It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be planned six weeks in advance or cost a lot of money or require a babysitter (although — treat yourself if you can).
Here are some ideas to get you started. Pick one, steal one, or let them spark something better.
🧘 Try a Yoga Class Together
Neither of you will be good at it. That's entirely the point. There is nothing more bonding than watching your spouse attempt a warrior pose and trying to keep a straight face.
🎨 Do a Painting Class
Those "paint and sip" evenings exist for a reason. You'll leave with two terrible paintings and a really good memory.
👗 Thrift Store Outfit Challenge
Go to a thrift store and pick out each other's outfits for a date. Set a $10 budget and zero rules. Then actually wear the outfits. I cannot promise you'll look good. I can promise you'll laugh.
🎲 Board Game Night — Just the Two of You
After the kids are in bed. Snacks mandatory. Trash talk optional but encouraged.
Don't Forget Your People
This spills over into your family, too.
Busyness doesn't just steal fun from your marriage — it steals it from your kids. And they notice. Not in a dramatic way, just in the quiet way children notice when the grown-ups in their home feel heavy.
So let yourself be a little silly with them too:
- Have a dance party in the kitchen while dinner burns slightly
- Play a board game where everyone cheats loudly and nobody cares who wins
- Say yes to the fort in the living room, even though you just straightened up
Research shows that sharing new experiences increases feelings of love because it allows us to learn new things about our partners and deepen our understanding of ourselves. That's true for your marriage and for your relationship with your kids.
The family that laughs together? They're building something that lasts.
This Matters
Say it before game night. Say it before the thrift store adventure. Say it before you attempt downward dog next to the person you chose.
This matters. And so does the laughter on the other side of it.